Old Habits Die Hard

I have a confession. There is one person in my life whose opinion I value the most. Someone that is capable of stripping my confidence down to 0 without any hesitation or making my day in an instant. I can only hope that they approve of every action that I take, even if that’s as simple as an article that I post. Regardless of how much I try to diminish that power, I cannot control my desire for their validation and attention. The funny thing is, I am 100% certain that this individual has no idea that I am talking about them (which might be for the best). There is a possibility that the both of us have evolved as vastly different people and are no longer speaking, but it somehow still matters to me. Sometimes, I wish I could get their honest and raw opinion of what they think about me and my current life decisions. Alas, while I could go on and on, I find the meaning behind my attachment more meaningful for this particular post. People always concern themselves with answering the question of whether or not people change. If you’d like my take, I say yeah absolutely, as I have had my own evolution through the years. While I may have parts that are fundamentally the same, I am reminded daily about the aspects that are wildly different from 10, 5, or even 2 years ago. I find people to be wired to refocus their lens ever so often and explore new interests or even adopt habits that are opposite of what they once were. Honestly, I find staying stagnant rather dull. Among the people I was excited to see during the break, I saw one of my closest friends whom I make an effort to seek out every time we are remotely close to one another. Given that I probably see her once or twice a year when she visits from LA, our catch-ups include a handful of new facts that transcend each others’ expectations. During our last encounter, she mentioned something nice—that the most intriguing individuals are those who embrace change. It's true; everyone could use a sprinkle of new occasionally. Yet, the question that I am concerned with isn’t whether people change, but how much they actually do. Every time I go home, I am surrounded by everything that was pivotal to my past. Within a few days, you start to realize that there are parts of us that can never change. In the midst of the new, there are still parts of us that are the same old. Unfortunately, the most stubborn habits or mindsets are the hardest to shake off. I have honestly given up trying to understand it because I prefer to keep my life at ease. The impact of certain relationships, specifically, can be parts of us that refuse to change. There will always be people in our past (or present) who hold a special type of importance - no matter where or how far we go. Instead of retreating backward, sometimes it’s best to accept it and move past it, otherwise, we will get so frustrated trying to change what can’t be instead of focusing on what can be.

- With Love, Fiza Usman