Failed Expectations

While I try to keep this part of my identity a secret I realize there is no running away from my embarrassing reality. I am ashamed to admit to you all that I, unfortunately, can’t ride a bike nor swim (there’s another one but we aren’t on that level of trust yet, maybe next time). Before you ask me have you tried to learn? Yes, numerous times! At this point, I am considering accepting it and making it a personality trait. It kind of makes for a funny ice breaker…no? While it doesn’t affect me that much anymore, the real reason I refused to learn was that I wanted my dad to teach me. Unfortunately, he was never there to do so. I waited for years thinking one day he would come and we’d learn together (now I’m 19 and just look like an idiot at pool parties). As much as I want to hate him or be upset, the expectations I put on him are my fault. Aside from him, I have this annoying habit of placing expectations on people thinking they will follow through in the way that I see it. I realize that someone else’s failure to live up to my expectations isn’t their fault, but my own actually. If I’ve learned anything it’s that you can’t expect someone to change who they are and what they prioritize. If it’s not who they are now, then it won’t be who they are tomorrow either. Independence on the forefront may seem like it’s just living alone, but in reality, it encompasses relying on yourself to fulfill your expectations. It’s understanding that sometimes you’re your most dependable person. And, while you're doing that, hopefully somewhere along the way you find people that make your expectations feel like a bare minimum.

Current status: For now…too busy teaching myself how to do the things I can’t do.

- With love, Fiza Usman