Benevolence

I think confrontation is important. I don’t particularly enjoy it (I hope no one does), but I also don’t see a reason to shy away from it. I actually respect and admire people that possess the ability to fight for what they want. Growing up, I was taught to always be nice and roll with the punches. But I disagree. There is such a thing as being too nice, and certain situations call for different approaches. From my experience, kindness can only get you so far, and sometimes you have to be firm to get the things that you want. I shared this briefly before and honestly, it still keeps me up at night, but I was cut from high school lacrosse. At the time, I blamed it on the fact that I wasn’t really good (I mean valid. I may not be very good). I remember on the last day of tryouts and the most important moment I completely choked. I had the perfect opening to score a goal against a teammate but I let it go because I didn’t want to spoil anyone else’s chance of getting on. Everyone else knew what they wanted and they weren’t afraid to do what it took to get it. Unrelenting was the common trait amongst everyone who made the team that year, and they all deserved it - way more than I did. I use this example to preface the fact that just because you are being kind for someone else’s sake it does not mean that they will be too. Life is not particularly like my (quite pathetic) lacrosse story, but I think that the emphasis on being somewhat stern to go after the things you deserve is important. Things you want can even be as simple as respect because sometimes people will put you in a position where you have to fight for it. One thing I have picked up from living all over the world is that people have very different intentions when meeting you. Some are good and some unfortunately are not. That is why my philosophy is to be nice until given a reason not to be. When I first approach people, I make the effort to be genuinely kind. I love getting to know people when I first meet them. My interest and kindness never falter in the chance that the relationship goes beyond acquaintances as well. Everyone is good company until I am faced with a situation that makes me believe otherwise. In those cases, I find it rather counterintuitive to pretend that I am okay with something when I am clearly not. It is also incredibly fake, which I actually find annoying. It is just hiding behind ingenuine kindness to spare yourself a confrontation. But again why does a confrontation have to be so bad? Yeah, maybe they won’t like you but at least they’ll respect you at the end of the day. I find that preserving my dignity matters more than what someone thinks of me. It doesn’t even matter in what context - people play really dirty (I’ve seen it). In college especially, there are so many people that would use you to get what they want, and you just have to learn to maneuver around them. I may not have made that goal back then, but ill be damned if i I miss it again.

- With love, Fiza Usman